who am i ?

while u reading my title....u sure think what i thinking....haix....i really dont know la...i so so emo now....i mean today la....u sure asking y i emo today??....i also dont know actually....

the moment i received message from my dear....she said she going to watch nasional trassure today...just right after her scout meeting....so i ask who he going with...she said wei qi and his friends....this time i didt feel anything.....then i think that tmr i going out ma....to pyramid watch movie...ajak her also....she ask go where....i said pyramid....she said dowan....she want write minutes and pack her stuff....after that what come out in my mind is.....she can done her minutes in an hour....pack stuff....i dont think she will guai guai and pack lor....she online but put 'busy' and go pack.....then chat again....then go pack.....is like that la.....and and and.....why she can right after meeting and go watch movie with wei qi them but not with me?? and i told her that not only us.....

what she thinking?? i just want to see her....talk to her....aren't that is a big problem for her??....i dont think so....or she think today she just went and tmr dowan go to the same place??....if yes....can go summit.....she just.....dowan to go out......why??....before this we are ok.....now how come like enemy....what she want actually??....am i change??....i can wait her....i m serious.....she want study....then we have a year break......is ok....i dont mind....i really dont mind.....she dowan me control her....i think i didt control her if she is fine....means she no sick....she is healthy....we together....i never regret i love her....i never think that i waste my time on her....but what i only think is...i really appreciate the time we together....the time we play at campfire....the time we go out at times square and sg.wang with her friends named julia and kirsten.....at season house she hold my hand so tight....like scared me leave her alone....if yr girlfriend do that....dont tell me u dont happy lo.....

but.....this all wont be happened again.....everything is only my memories....blog until here....my tears.....start drop down.....what is this mean??....i really not understand.....am i dumb?? or i really fall in love to her??.....is good or bad??....what i do is right or wrong??....

until here.....my mum scold me....she said yesterday go pasar malam bought de kuih no eat....i said not i dowan eat...this morning i want bring to work and eat....but i saw got ants....so i didt bring and jz leave it there.....she said i give reason......normally i sure fight for my right....now....i jz say....ya ya ya ya ya ya......u right...i wrong....i cant see thing clearly.....after i said that....i like think again.....i cant see thing clearly....ya....maybe i am...maybe not.....i dont know....am i change??....i stuck in my life....cry everyday....everynight....today work time....i really lucky....first time is....i get up to staircase.....when i working....then only i realise that the floor is not flat....affect my staircase....and i almost fall down that time.....second time is.....i want take my tools....i bend down lor.....take edi...stand up....turn....wanna walk....but then i stop it....know why??.....in front of me got kayu....is like if i walk....my eye might be blind....coz got paku there also....is really right in front of my eye....

not longer....then i sms my dear.....she still my dear....she no reply me....until she watch movie time she baru reply me....she jz send me....sorry la....was in meeting jz now and going to watch movie now.....she.....never care about me at all.....is like....ya.....is like a blade stab my heart....so so so pain.....so hurts.....but still...i act as nothing....and still chat with her as normal.....again....this make me think of a thing......that is she asked me before....why i treat u so bad and u still treat me so good??....from that moment she asked me until now...i still cannot answer this question.....that time i answer her....dont know....maybe i really dumb or really love u.....she replied....oh...okay....what she mean again??

wanna give her surprise in the cerakah camp...or bukit cahaya camp.....but....i fail to do it....i dare to say not i dont want to do it....but the timing is wrong....i mean like i cannot do that.....is like....tak sesuai.....

anyway....what is past is past....my heart.....still got her....i had try to give up.....and i m sorry to say that.....i fail to do it....someone ask me make it like nothing happen....ya....sounds good....but....i still like that....not like i never try it...i tried.....this few days.....i always hear this song....really represent my feeling...my heart...and i can cry when i hear this song.....haix.....cry cry cry and cry....maybe for u....a guy cannot cry....or if cry also dont say it out....is like telling everyone that u are weak....that was what i think last time...now.....no...this theory is wrong for me now....guy so what??not a human beings??no feelings??....sorry guys....but that is what i thinking now.....i m a guy....i m a human beings.....i got feelings.....